Interesting piece in The Cut, from New York Magazine (via Violet Blue):
What Porn Means to Us: Twenty Couples on Tentacles, Baywatch, and the Skin Flicks They Share, Fear, and Imitate
A man I was dating told me that he liked watching anime scenes of sea creatures raping schoolgirls with their tentacles. His arousal bothered him. I was surprised to discover that it didn’t bother me, but my live-and-let-live attitude gave me pause: Was I colluding with misogyny?
Conflicting studies have suggested that porn leads to aggression, divorce, and depression — as well as lower rates of rape, better sex, and deeper commitments. We only know for certain that since the start of the Internet’s reign, porn has moved online, diversified, and sped up: Every day nearly 20 million viewers visit Xvideos, the web’s most trafficked porn site, and YouPorn is six times the size of Hulu. With porn consumption ubiquitous — and, by most reports, increasing and evolving — I asked couples and individuals how they discuss porn with their dates and partners. The result: twenty conversations about porn.
1. Porn is fantasy.
Jill “has no idea” what kind of porn her husband of two years watches, but she “doubts it’s anything that would bother” her. Tom says he doesn’t want to “expose Jill to all the craziness” of the videos he stumbles upon — like a woman riding a dildo-studded bicycle. He explains: “If she saw the porn I’m watching, she’d probably think I’m holding something back, but I’m not. I don’t want to bring what I see into the real world. It’s like how you don’t actually want to kill your boss.”
Unlike sex, “masturbation is a win every time,” Tom says. His threshold keeps changing: “When you’re a kid, a nipple is enough for five years, but once you start seeing girls climbing out of clown cars, you want more clown cars.” He’s glad his wife “doesn’t like anything gross” because he doesn’t think he’d want to be with someone who watched what he sometimes watches. Every so often he pretends he and his wife are in their own porno.
Jill occasionally uses her imagination to “sneak quickies” while her husband is in the shower. She read the whole Fifty Shades of Grey series, mostly on airplanes. Reading erotica means her husband “isn’t beholden” to what she likes, which she imagines “is tamer than what he likes.” She’d love for him to put on a favorite video and masturbate in front of her, but she suspects “it’s his private thing.”
2. Porn is quick.
Now Anthony really does read Playboy for the articles. The Internet has killed his interest in pictures. He rapidly surfs through porn, which he describes as fast food. He doesn’t hide the regular habit from his wife Anjuli, a dietitian. She doesn’t mind it except when he gets off to really fat women — “They are not obese,” he interjects. “But they have huge boobs,” she replies — and Indian women, because she’s Indian. “I don’t want to think he has a fetish,” she says. “I don’t!” he laughs, “They just pop up sometimes!”
Read the other 18 conversations here.