From Uber Kinky(click to make larger):
Fetishes and Paraphilias
Paraphilias.
The Masochism Tango.
The Vajankle.
From Vice:
What’s the Latest with the Vajankle, the Sex Toy Shaped Like a Foot? by Ralph Jones
Would you fuck the inside of a foot?
Some people would, apparently, because the Vajankle—a sex toy in the shape of a foot with a vagina attached (as seen in our Valentine's Day Gift Guide)—has been bankrolled. Last month, the item caused an international furor when news websites started reporting on it in a state of torrid incredulity. But now that the media frenzy has died down, what lies in store for the Vajankle?
What many don't know, as Bronwen Keller of Sinthetics—the company that makes the Vajankle—informs me, is that the Vajankle was in fact created in 2013 when a repeat buyer contacted the company and asked if he could put a vagina on one of the feet they'd already manufactured. "He explained he wanted to be able to see and massage the foot while having sex with it," Keller says, "and so the Vajankle was born."
Why, then, wasn't it until 2015 that the Vajankle shot to fame? Keller thinks the foot may have piqued the interest of the internet because an individual named Dixie De La Tour, founder of sex storytelling show Bawdy Storytelling, began talking about the product on Twitter. And yet, despite the ensuing media attention, Sinthetics has probably sold fewer than 100 Vajankles to date.
This is partly because the company doesn't advertise, says Keller. "But our foot guys do manage to find us. We've sold hundreds of pairs of feet over the years." If this sounds like a small figure, consider that each foot takes quite a long time for Keller's husband Matt and his production team to make. "Everything we do is individually handmade," she says. "We use medical-grade platinum silicone, which is an expensive and finicky product. The molds we produce from are made in our studio, from sculpts and life casts that we also do in-house. Each Vajankle has two different silicone parts. Then it has to be trimmed by hand, painted, sealed, finished, and, finally, given toenails."
Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends: Bodybuilding, physical attractiveness, and paraphilic sexual preference.
Updated with available video. Louis Theroux, in collaboration with the BBC, has done a series of shows on strange (to most people) sub-cultures. His series is called Louis Theroux's Weird Weekends.
It would be fair to say that the show has an exploitative feeling to it - its whole purpose is to expose the audience to bizarre people for the sake of entertainment. It's far too easy to pass judgment on the individuals Louis meets and interviews.
But, the show does allow a rare glimpse into sub-cultures that most of us would never normally encounter. And, to his credit, Louis does try to be genuinely empathetic (or at least, convincingly pretends to be). He is unassumingly dorky, which seems to cause people to let down their guard.
In this episode, he travels to the US to meet professional male and female bodybuilders. Much of the show is devoted to the men who have strong sexual and romantic preferences for extremely muscular women (sthenolagnia). To see the women shown in class during the section on anabolic steroids, and her husband, skip to about 34:00.
17:35 - beginning of section on muscle worship (i.e., men that have a sexual preference for female bodybuilders) 26:30 - he meets a female bodybuilder who also does sex work 34:10 - Louis meets the woman whose photo was shown in the class slides (and her husband)
Vice documentary: The Japanese Love Industry.
From Vice:
Japan is a country that is dying—literally. A nation that was once considered the strongest economical powerhouse in the world, rivaling the US, has now slipped to second best. Japan has more people over the age of 65 and the smallest number of people under the age of 15 in the world. It is the fastest growing negative population in the world, and that's because hardly anyone is having babies. In these difficult times, the Japanese are putting marriage and families on the back burner and seeking recreational love and affection as a form of cheap escape with no strings attached. We sent Ryan Duffy to investigate this phenomenon, which led him to Tokyo's cuddle cafes and Yakuza-sponsored prostitution.
Some have pointed out that documentaries like this are simply capitalizing on the whole Japan is super weird stereotype. The content of this documentary is not representative of the Japanese culture in general - Vice tends to focus on experiences that are outside of the norm (i.e., cuddle cafes and the Yakuza), as that's what they find most interesting.
Somewhat NSFW (you can also watch a way more NSFW version on Vice.com: link):
The limits of GGG.
There are several philosophies to live by when it comes to sex and one's partners. One of those is Dan Savage's GGG, or good, giving and game: "GGG stands for 'good, giving, and game,' which is what people engaging in sex should strive to be. Think 'good in bed,' 'giving equal time and equal pleasure,' and 'game for anything—within reason.'"
However, there are limits, and this relates to what we were talking about in class last week - how to fit atypical sexual preferences into a sexual relationship that is otherwise typical. It's also worth mentioning that vanilla sex, or typical sex, is becoming the equivalent of being described as boring. In other words, it's starting to be seen in a negative light. Is there really anything wrong with vanilla sex?
Dan Savage posted the following letter to Savage Love:
It seems like a lot of the questions lately have been from straight women saying things like, "I want to be GGG, so I agreed to do this fantasy for my husband/boyfriend..." Um.
Is "wanting to be GGG" the only reason they're agreeing to these fantasies? It doesn't sound like any of them particularly WANT to be a part of the action, they're just agreeing to make the male partner happy, and because they want to seem cool and fun and agreeable, and they also probably want to keep the guy from straying and seeking fulfillment elsewhere. Which I guess is fine, but I'm not getting the sense that the dudes in these relationships are doing anything similar for their ladies—they're not going outside their comfort zones to accommodate their female partners desires. It doesn't really seem like a super great deal for these women.
Maybe you should clarify that GGG doesn't have to mean "pretending one's own reservations don't exist." It just seems like a lot of women are falling into this "must be cool and not nag and go along with what he wants" trap and your GGG concept is playing into that. I just really feel like there are not a similar amount of guys almost desperate to prove how GGG they are by going along with their female partners' desires and fantasies.
Troubling To Me
His response:
People should be "good, giving, and game" for their partners. But GGG doesn't mean a person has to do any damn thing their partner wants. I've been hammering away at that point for as long as I've been promoting the GGG concept. Here, for example, is some recent advice I gave to a woman who was wondering if her "GGG Card" would be revoked if she refused to vomit on her partner:
Let's revisit my original definition of GGG: "GGG stands for good, giving, and game, which is what we should all strive to be for our sex partners. Think good in bed, giving equal time and equal pleasure, and game for anything—within reason."
Some kinksters skip past the "within reason" part of the definition when they're discussing kinks with vanilla partners. They shouldn't. Extreme bondage or SM, shit and puke, emotionally tricky humiliation play, demanding that your partner have sex with other people because it turns you on (asking your partner to assume all of the physical risks that go along with that, to say nothing of the emotional risks for a partner who isn't interested in having sex with other people), etc.—all of that falls under the FTF exclusion, or a "fetish too far," which you'll find in the fine print on the back of your GGG card, PUKE.
There are definite risks when someone heads out of his or her sexual comfort zone to please a partner. But anyone who learned about being GGG by reading my column will also have learned about the importance of good communication, mutual respect, and honoring a partner's boundaries. And sometimes respect for a partner's boundaries—respect for a partner's limits—means a particular fantasy/kink/desire is forever off the table.
Read the rest here.
Autonepiophilia.
Autonepiophilia: sexual preference for taking on identity of an infant.
This is from a somewhat patronizing documentary on women and kinks.
It appears that for Kailey, dressing and acting like a baby is a way of experiencing what she felt she missed as a child, rather than a source of sexual arousal. As Kailey notes, if she and her boyfriend start having sex while she's taking on the role of Baby Ella, she switches back to Kailey. Her boyfriend definitely finds Baby Ella, and their play together, sexually arousing. Still, the documentary does leave open the possibility that Kailey is also turned on by playing the role of Baby Ella. And she does report being into BDSM.
And a bonus video:
Atypical sexual preferences on Reddit.
In class, we discovered that many people (i.e., students) have atypical sexual preferences that they find weird, cause them distress (i.e., shame, embarrassment, guilt, etc.), and/or they wouldn't disclose to their partners. These types of preferences are not uncommon. There have been several threads on Reddit devoted to atypical sexual preferences; they provide a glimpse at what some people like, and how that can play out in relationships. Click on the following links to check them out. I've also provided some screenshot samples below (click to make large - NSFW). What would you consider to be the strangest thing that you like sexually?
What's the weirdest thing your SO asked you to do in bed and did you do it?
Ex-prostitutes of reddit, what was the weirdest thing you ever got hired for?
Click to make larger:
Mythical Proportions
Winner of 2011 Hump Festival (very NSFW language!):
Atypical sexual preferences, guilt and shame.
Another piece that's too nuanced to be cut up. In its entirety, from xoJane (click the link to get to the comments section, which is worth reading in and of itself):
TRIGGER WARNING: sexual violence.
Hit Me Baby, One More Time: Slapping, Spitting, Name-Calling and Other Sex Preferences I Feel Guilty About by Emily McCombs [check out more about Emily here]
I might prefer that my big controversial sex preferences involved whipped cream or whatever instead of wanting to be slapped in the face during intercourse, but that is not the hand I was dealt.
I feel bad about my BangBus.
Not while I'm actually watching it. Sexual arousal doesn't leave a lot of room for ambivalence and who stops masturbating to ponder the political implications of what they're getting off to? I can barely stop masturbating if someone else comes in the room, much less to make way for niggling feminist guilt.
But occasionally, when someone asks me if I watch porn, I feel embarassed to say that the only porn I regularly watch is founded on the (scripted) premise that a bunch of dudes are driving around in a van coercing women into having sex on camera with the promise of cash, before dumping them by the side of the road, shouting insults as they peel away.
Yep, that's what my vagina's into.
She unfortunately doesn't consult me much on what turns her on, and she never checks the current political climate, or she definitely would NOT be aroused by all the degrading, violent stuff she has shown a marked interest in over the years. I'm starting to feel weird about personifying my vagina in this way, so I'm going to shift gears.
I consider myself to err on the side of sexual submission. I have never been into the performative aspects of it all -- I am not some weird sex LARPer who wants to wear costumes and address each other as "Master" and "Slave." I don't want to go to special events, I shouldn't have to wear pleather just to get it done, and I don't want to "play." I want to have weird sex with weird people who like weird things, like an adult.
Some of those weird things that I like include: rough breast play including slapping, clothespins and ropes; name-calling of the slut-bitch-whore variety; forced deepthroating; facials; "Daddy" talk; rape play; spanking; dirty talk; hair-pulling; group sex; anal; and basically anything else filthy/nasty/taboo/found in your average pornographic video. Also, and here's the stuff that's more for special occasions and that I don't want to admit on a site for ladies: being slapped, being spit on, being choked, being urinated on.
Does that sound like a list of nightmares to you? To me it sounds like a delightful Tuesday evening.
I don't begrudge anyone their role as captain of their own sexual steamship. Desire is complicated and tricky to regulate -- I don't think I could stop being turned on by being treated "badly" any easier than a gay man could suddenly start being attracted to women. I might prefer that my big controversial sex preferences involved whipped cream or whatever instead of wanting to be slapped in the face during intercourse, but that is not the hand I was dealt.
A lot of factors go into the creation of a fetish, just as they do our non-sexual preferences. One of mine is almost certainly trauma. I wish this is something they had told me about rape: that afterward, your brain will try to work out what happened in bizarre, repetitive ways, which may include recreation of the trauma in your fantasies and life. I don't really understand it intellectually, but apparently my brain and heart think they can make things turn out differently this time, somehow reverse the past by taking control of what was once a powerless scenario.
You don't have to have been raped to have fetishes like mine. In fact, I liked a lot of this stuff before the traumatic event. But it's certainly an angle that seems to go unmentioned by those who think admitting that some women have rape fantasies is in some way encouraging men to rape. Are we willing to tell women how they should process their own experiences?
Recently I did a consulting job in which the state of modern sexuality was a major topic of discussion. We were given a presentation from a nervous young PR consultant whose main thesis was that pornography has damaged the state of gender relations irrevocably, that women now feel they can't measure up to the paid actresses and men's desires have been warped by repeated exposure.
"How can men and women be truly equal in a world in which men want to cum on women's faces?" he asked.
These issues are certainly real, but the idea that men consume porn and women are damaged by it seems too rigid to me. We'd all do well to remember that the actors and actresses in films are getting paid to do things that even they might not engage in in real life. I'll do a lot of shit for money I wouldn't do for fun. In reality, not all men want to cum on a woman's face, and a lot of women like having their faces cum on. (Just picture me doing that two thumbs "This guy" gesture right now.)
We all, male and female, live in a world where a wider range of sexual activity is visible and accessible to us. As long as we keep consent, respect and common courtesy top of mind, that fact in itself doesn't have to hurt anybody.
If you don't have fantasies like mine, I can understand the impulse to want to erase them from the world. But women like me and all the other straight freaks in this world stubbornly refuse to be erased. Sex is too important, too essential a life process, to spend our lives faking it. Anybody who thinks I, personally, am going to spend the rest of my life being sweetly made love to while I cry tears of sheer, uncut BOREDOM is out of their freaking minds.
Sometimes I hear women say that by engaging in "politically incorrect" sex, we are sending a message to men that all women want to be treated in such a manner. But consensual sexual activity, even if it resembles some non consensual sexual activity, isn't rape any more than movie murder is real murder. And while some people certainly think we should eliminate movie violence lest it drive the easily influenced to commit violent acts, we're not talking about movies here. We're talking about people. And you can't eliminate people or ask them to eliminate parts of themselves, no matter how messy or unappealing their desires may seem to you.
Since we can't erase reality, we better start dealing in nuance.
Getting slapped and called a slut because it turns me on and I've asked for it is not abuse. The men who want to do that are not abusers; in fact a lot of them are some of the nicest and most respectful men I've met outside of the bedroom. Rape play and rape are never going to be the same thing. And pretending that the two are similar is actually way more confusing and dangerous than clearly differentiating them.
If our men truly can't tell the difference between hurting, abusing and degrading a woman, and participating in consensual play utilizing some of these elements, then the problem lies with them and sexual education in our society, not with those temptingly rape-able women who enjoy rough play.
If you are still confused, consider this: After we're done, when I'm spent from being used, being told I'm a filthy whore as you hold me down or toss me around or hit me if those are the boundaries we've agreed upon, when I'm covered in saliva and sweat and bodily fluids, look at my face. I will be smiling.
That's the difference.
The paraphilias.
From Cracked:
Child porn or art?
It's the story of a dad accused of being a child pornographer for sharing photos of his daughter. In some, she's naked. He had no sexual intent - he's a professional photographer and the photos are all simply innocent candids that he posted to Instagram. The story seems to be polarizing people; I'd be curious to hear what you think. TRIGGER WARNING: discussion of pedophilia, child porn, child sexual abuse.
Jian Ghomeshi claims CBC fired him over BDSM.
This just happened earlier today and several students have already passed it along (thanks!). What appeared to be a case of wrongful dismissal based on private sexual practices has blown up into much more.
Jian Ghomeshi, the host and co-creator of arguably Canada's most successful radio show, Q, was let go today by the CBC. He took to Facebook to explain why. From his Facebook page:
Dear everyone,
I am writing today because I want you to be the first to know some news.
This has been the hardest time of my life. I am reeling from the loss of my father. I am in deep personal pain and worried about my mom. And now my world has been rocked by so much more.
Today, I was fired from the CBC.
For almost 8 years I have been the host of a show I co-created on CBC called Q. It has been my pride and joy. My fantastic team on Q are super-talented and have helped build something beautiful.
I have always operated on the principle of doing my best to maintain a dignity and a commitment to openness and truth, both on and off the air. I have conducted major interviews, supported Canadian talent, and spoken out loudly in my audio essays about ideas, issues, and my love for this country. All of that is available for anyone to hear or watch. I have known, of course, that not everyone always agrees with my opinions or my style, but I've never been anything but honest. I have doggedly defended the CBC and embraced public broadcasting. This is a brand I’ve been honoured to help grow.
All this has now changed.
Today I was fired from the company where I've been working for almost 14 years – stripped from my show, barred from the building and separated from my colleagues. I was given the choice to walk away quietly and to publicly suggest that this was my decision. But I am not going to do that. Because that would be untrue. Because I’ve been fired. And because I've done nothing wrong.
I’ve been fired from the CBC because of the risk of my private sex life being made public as a result of a campaign of false allegations pursued by a jilted ex girlfriend and a freelance writer.
As friends and family of mine, you are owed the truth.
I have commenced legal proceedings against the CBC, what’s important to me is that you know what happened and why.
Forgive me if what follows may be shocking to some.
I have always been interested in a variety of activities in the bedroom but I only participate in sexual practices that are mutually agreed upon, consensual, and exciting for both partners.
He describes his preference for BDSM and rough sex, and a story of a past jealous lover who sought to take revenge against him in collusion with a journalist who Mr. Ghomeshi claims has been trying to ruin his career. His account is very compelling and it's hard not to feel like Mr. Ghomeshi has been horrifically wronged, simply because he's into BDSM.
Being curious to see the public's response, I headed over to Reddit and sure enough there is a very active thread (link here) about Mr. Ghomeshi's Facebook post. Many people are sympathizing with Mr. Ghomeshi but many others are questioning the veracity of what he claimed, noting that Mr. Ghomeshi has a reputation for being a "creep", "douche", and that many women have complained about his lack of respect for boundaries and worse. Someone also noted that Mr. Ghomeshi has hired Navigator, a PR firm in Toronto that is famous for managing crises like the one Mr. Ghomeshi is facing, and that the Facebook post has all the hallmarks of a very well crafted PR piece (e.g, mentioning dad's death to garner sympathy, use of words like "freelance" to discredit the reporter, inclusion of reference to being a "soldier" to associate Mr Ghomeshi with the soldier "hero" who was shot this week, etc.).
Then the Toronto Star published a piece tonight, describing the stories of several women who approached the paper earlier this year with their complaints about Mr. Ghomeshi's behaviour. This is the paper that Mr. Ghomeshi refers to in his Facebook post. These women's accounts seem to contradict the claims that Mr. Ghomeshi makes. Go read them here. The editor of the paper also wrote a brief piece explaining that the paper didn't originally write the piece (because the sources wished to remain anonymous, and therefore couldn't be verified), but given the events that transpired today, the paper reversed its decision and published the piece. Read the editorial piece here.
You can also read more about the entire story at Gawker.
So, is this a case of Mr. Ghomeshi, one of Canada's current stars, being wrongfully dismissed simply because of his atypical sexual preferences (i.e., BDSM)? Or is this a story an entitled celebrity whose supposed history of predatory and abusive sexual behaviour has finally caught up with him? If it's the first, then it would be an epic example of discrimination based on sexual preference. If it's the second, it would be an repulsive example of hiding inexcusable and abusive behaviour behind the cloak of sexual freedom.
Monday morning edit: a great piece of commentary from someone in the BDSM community, link here. Recommended reading, including the comments section. Lots of good debate.
Armpit fetish.
From Vice:
Illustration by Elizabeth Vasquez
It's Time To Talk About Armpit Fetishes By Alison Stevenson
Armpit fetishism: It’s real, yet not really talked about. We live in an age where tossing salad is all over mainstream porn, but there aren't many people who are gonna cop to licking someone's pit to get off. Is an armpit fetish really so different from all the other freaky stuff out there?
[…]
I remember jokingly putting on my OkCupid profile that I had hairy armpits, thinking that would deter a lot of men from messaging me. I never took the site all too seriously, and at the time indeed had hairy pits. So I thought, why not? I figured I’d add this detail about myself so the men posing shirtless in their default pictures would deem me gross, or even worse—some kind of feminist (a.k.a. unfuckable). To my surprise, I had a slew of messages from men who were either “curious” about my armpits, asked me to send pictures, or flat-out stated they loved hairy pits. I found myself in a predicament: If I shaved my armpits, I’d be pleasing men. If I didn't shave my armpits, I’d still be pleasing men. A real damned if I do, damned if I don’t sort of scenario. Couldn't I go just one day without being so goddamn desirable?
A few weeks later, I started seeing someone I met through the site. He lived in San Francisco while I was still living in my college town of Davis. The first time I took a train to meet him, we ended up spending the whole weekend together. The night before I had to leave, we were drunk and got to groping. Eventually, we were both naked. He stopped kissing my lips, and moved down towards my neck and breasts. At this point I was expecting some standard nipple sucking, but instead he lifted my right arm and began licking my armpit up and down. He paused and asked me if this was OK. I let him keep going, and he enthusiastically got to licking the other one. Licking, and kissing it. After a few seconds, he asked if he could “stick his dick there." I panicked at first, thinking he wanted to stick it in my butt. When he clarified that he was talking about my armpits, I was relieved. Hell yeah you can stick it there, just not the butt. Anything but the butt.
Short film: Piss.
This short film addresses the issue of how a couple can incorporate one partner's (or both, for that matter) atypical sexual preference(s) into their sexual relationship.
Written/Produced by Bette Bentley. Directed by Vincent Peone and Bette Bentley. Piss is a short film about a girl trying to convince her feminist boyfriend to pee on her. Official selection of the Miami Short Film Festival and Austin Gay and Lesbian Film Festival and Cinekink Film Festival.
WARNING: This film features aggressive language as part of sexual play - to the actors' credit, it's very realistic. If you've been a victim of sexual violence, or find coercion/abuse, even as part of sex play, at all upsetting, this film may trigger a strong and distressing response. Very NSFW language!
Raft sex.
From the Huffington Post:
Edwin Tobergta Accused Of Sex With Pool Raft YET AGAIN By Hilary Hanson
This guy definitely has a type.
Edwin Tobergta, 35, was arrested in Hamilton, Ohio on Wednesday for allegedly having sex with an inflatable pool raft by the side of the road, Fox 19 reports. This is the fourth time Tobergta has been arrested for this kind of offense.
In 2011, Tobergta was caught with his pants down in an alley with his neighbor's pink, inflatable raft.
He went to jail, but was arrested again in 2013 for having sex with the EXACT SAME RAFT, which had inexplicably not been thrown out. The 2013 offense occurred at Tobergta's own home, but he was charged with -- and pleaded guilty to -- public indecency because it happened within the view of children during the day.
It is unclear if Tobergta's most recent alleged offense took place with the same pool raft.
In 2002, Tobergta was arrested for publicly pleasuring himself with an inflatable pumpkin. That object wasn't a pool toy, though, because come on, a man needs a little variety.
In his newest mugshot, Tobergta is wearing a T-shirt that reads, "I'm out of my mind. Please leave a message."
Dude, get your own raft!
Furries.
Furries are into anthropomorphic animal characters (i.e., with human characteristics and personalities). For some, this fascination is sexualized.
The following clip is from a furry fan's collection. There are far more explicit images out there, many featuring various types of sex.
Balloon fetish and porn.
From Vice:
Looner porn is a subset of pornography involving balloons and the people who love them. VICE caught up with Grim Looner, a masked, 25-year-old looner porn star from Melbourne, Australia, to help burst any misconceptions we had about one of the most innocuous online fetishes.
Dr. Frank N. Furter.
From the Rocky Horror Picture Show: